Cognitive Dissonance: What Is It Saying about your Relationship?
Jul 23, Ever feel conflicted or unsettled about your relationship? Take a closer look at the concept of cognitive dissonance to find out why. contexts of social exchange theory and cognitive dissonance theory. Study two attempted to create cognitive dissonance about relationships in both long. Sep 21, The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feelings of discomfort that result when your beliefs run counter to your behaviors and/or.
Silver medals are not seen as a reason to celebrate, they are more likely to be perceived as a disgrace loser. When the child shines, its success is always somehow due to the narcissist itself, but when the child fails, the narcissist takes the failure personally narcissistic woundand they will punish the child, whether it be by word or deed.
Living with a narcissistic parent, so often the child finds it hard to get their own needs meet, which can lead to serious emotional problems for them. Because the narcissist parent is like a child their own self, there will be power struggles for attention between the child and the parent.
All these dynamics are going to put strain on the partner of the narcissist, and they are likely to be the butt of all the narcissist frustration and anger, which will manifest itself as rage. Investing everything they have in their narcissistic partner is the only way the victim finds to keep the family going. Narcissist typically seeks to control the family finances, money is a love substitute for them.
No matter who earns the money in their family, it is they who are entitled to control how the monies get spent. Often the victim finds themselves being put on an allowance to run the house, and the abuser closely monitors how it is spent. If there is a shortage of money, the narcissist will be stingy when it comes to members of their family spending, yet they will spend what it takes to get what they want.
Where possible, the narcissist creates a complex financial situation where everybody is dependent on them, this keeps them in control. Without financial means and usually alienated, many victims are unaware of support resources they may be entitled to, they are trapped by the situation, finding themselves waiting and hoping for a better financial situation to develop so that they can make their exit and detachment easier.
In the meantime they do what they can to keep their abuser happy. When the narcissist is successful, they will use a lifestyle as an investment. All these things contribute to getting them the praise and adulation they feel they deserve. For the victim, sharing in this financial security, they may fear losing their current lifestyle for themselves or their children.
So they stay because of their fear of the poverty trap that awaits them if they manage to leave. Narcissism is a personality trait associated with an inflated, grandiose self-concept and a lack of intimacy in interpersonal relationships. The narcissist perceives themselves as being unique and uncommon.
The narcissist operates from a False Self, and becoming equal with anybody would only negate their notion of uniqueness, so they avoid that entirely. Unknown to them, narcissists are still held ransom to their unresolved conflicts with their primary objects parents. Like the child, they are still harboring the deep wounds of abandonment they experienced back then.
Afraid of their own negative emotions, unconsciously, they promise themselves that they will never put themselves in that position again, and they avoid further narcissistic injury by holding everybody at bay, this includes their partner and children. When they have a partner, they separate the sexual from the emotional and treat their partner as a sex object, and the typical cycle of frustration-aggression is set in motion. Unfortunately, in love with their own reflection, they are incapable of loving anybody else.
Where the partner thought she had married the nice Dr.
The place of “Cognitive Dissonance” in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Jekyll, she now finds herself facing the raging maniac that is Mr. In such an unhealthy relationship, she will experience the destruction of her emotional and sexual self-esteem. Furthermore, they use a type of blackmail of intimacy against their partner threatening to tell intimate details about them that would humiliate and destroy their character. The partner finds themselves in a hopeless situation, broken, the only way out is for them to stay. This serves to send the message to the narcissist that they are truly unique and superior.
One would wonder how the victim tolerates living with an abuser who is so intolerant and hostile. For healthy relationships, tolerating intolerance is neither acceptable nor possible, but for the victim of narcissistic abuse it is vital for survival. Another common result, as I have seen particularly in college students is major stress.
Efforts to restore psychological stasis may actually be more harmful than beneficial. In some cases, it will actually make the victim feel closer to their partner, as they will continue to improperly rationalize the actions in order to balance out the pressure.
How can I prevent this discomfort? Ever heard of trusting your gut instinct? Well, in this case, your gut feeling can get a little confusing, and it may be difficult to make decisions as clearly as you normally would. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to trust anything when love is in the picture, and nothing feels the way it should, as much as you push and pull and pray it will be.
- How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Your Relationships
- Cognitive Dissonance: How Does it Influence How We Think?
- Cognitive Dissonance: What Is It Saying about your Relationship?
Eventually, you have to trust the people who love you the most. If friends or family or a mentor is telling you that something does not seem right, or that the person you are with no longer seems to be a positive influence in your life, it could be worth looking into. When you enter a room for the first time, your brain is busy taking it all in and making decisions in the background.
You may not notice this happening at all. But, you enter a room and note several individuals also in the room. You need to take a seat. You will subconsciously sit near a person who feels safe, perhaps because they are well-dressed or dressed like you, or perhaps because you have a gut feeling that the person is probably okay.
Cognitive Dissonance: How Does it Influence How We Think?
You might avoid someone who looks dangerous or unlike you, just to be on the safe side. You might also sit facing the exit, or sit in the seat closest to the exit, or simply pick a seat that is far away from strangers.
We make these decisions based on feeling, sometimes without pausing to think about where the feeling comes from. Our minds also categorize and gain information about people. Without claws or teeth or an especially strong hide skinwe have to use our minds to give us an edge.
Once we make an initial judgement, it tends to stick. In addition, a lot of the subsequent information we receive gets filed away to support our initial judgement. You look at the leaf and remark: You forever limit the potential of the leaf to be anything but that: We must assign names and values to things, but by doing so, we are removing the possibility to see such things as anything but.
A person, of course, is more complex than a leaf.
While a leaf has one million things that make it different than all other leaves — exact dimension, shade of color, intricate vein system — people have tens of millions of things that make them unique.
We know this, of course, but as stated in the beginning of this post, our brains are busy categorizing and classifying things to determine what something is and what something is not; namely, what is safe and what is not safe.
When we meet someone, there are a few things we can determine right off. A person is male or female, a person appears to be a certain race or socioeconomic status, a person is such-and-such height and weight. Or, she has styled her hair, ergo she must take a lot of pride in her appearance and go to great lengths to look nice.
Add to that the cultural and social knowledge we either subscribe to or has been taught to us from birth, and we might unknowingly make these assumptions: This is all happening in the subconscious, mind you, whether we want it to or not. You go to dinner and discuss your hopes, dreams, families, and hobbies. So, Peter has a good relationship with his parents and is the oldest sibling. He works as an accountant and likes to spend the weekends taking his nephew to baseball games.
Peter also enjoys music, but his favorite is country. The list goes on. Fast forward again — six months — and you feel like you know Peter pretty well. You are confident that you can anticipate what Peter will and will not do under certain circumstances. You know he likes a lemon with his iced tea, and you also know that when he feels frustrated, he likes space.
He always leaves a wet towel on the bathroom floor, but also always closes the shower curtain. To your knowledge, he has never lied to you, and he seems quite open about his thoughts and feelings.
Peter loves you, too. All in all, you feel great about your relationship with Peter. Things are going well. You are thinking about taking your relationship to the next level.
Something that makes you sad, hurts your feelings, or confuses you. It is quite natural for you to feel confused.