Boredom in a relationship is it normal

8 tips for when you’re bored in your relationship but don’t want to break up - HelloGiggles

boredom in a relationship is it normal

Jun 4, "You can be married and bored or single and lonely," joked Chris do so because they're bored, according to the Normal Bar survey, and the. Jun 8, That's normal! However, keeping your relationship thriving requires a little break in the monotony, and it is pretty dang easy to do. Here are 3. Jul 22, I asked 3 sex and relationship therapists how to spice up a boring marriage — in and It's normal to sometimes feel bored in your marriage.

Sitcoms and comedians tend to treat boredom in long-term relationships as just a depressing given. A year ago, I got engaged to a man I love. We'd been together for several years, and I was looking forward to getting married, but I was also terrified that we'd end up like one of those couples sitting silently across from each other at dinner, idly scrolling on their phones, barely acknowledging the other person's existence.

Almost every time we went out to eat I saw them, these specters of deadened romance.

When Your Relationship Becomes Dull & Boring

So, I decided to get ahead of the problem. As a researcher by trade, I did what came naturally and began gathering evidence: This purpose wasn't immediately obvious when I first began gathering boredom statistics and studies through the internet and the odd day at the library. But by the time I'd begun spending my free time interviewing psychologists and polyamorists, it was clear. What began as a semi-conscious attempt to prep myself for matrimony turned into a two-year research project, a bookand a realization about monogamy that should make anyone getting married feel a little more hopeful: You might not always be able to avoid being bored with your spouse, but you can use it to your advantage.

One of the first things I learned was that there's no question that boredom is an epidemic.

Is it normal to be bored in a relationship?

You don't have to be one of the Real Housewives or a philandering Louis XIV to feel like things have gotten dull with your partner. Throughout my research, I spoke to soldiers, actresses, fishermen, techies, accountants, artists — everyone had a story to share about a relationship that went wrong because they got bored. People told me about relationship doubts, break-ups, stagnant sex lives, and affairs.

Statistics back all this up: It's unsurprising, then, that a whole industry exists for couple to "spice things up": Books and magazines, couples retreats and porn, sex toys and gadgets — all exist to turn what can begin to seem like a known quantity into an unknown, if only for a night.

The sheer number of options can seem exhausting, but it's what we have.

Can boredom in your relationship be a good thing?

Both midwestern squares, we were awkward and strange with each other at first, but we relaxed after a while, enough for me to notice all the other couples there too, gay and straight, old and young, perusing racks of edible underwear and copies of the Kama Sutra. There were about a dozen couples in the store and, because of the months I'd spent investigating boredom, I knew there were probably hundreds of thousands more experiencing the same concerns in New York City alone.

This is one handy thing about knowing how common boredom is: It's less sinister once you know that it's something that happens in every relationship from time to time. It's also not necessarily a bad thing.

boredom in a relationship is it normal

While persistent boredom isn't usually a good sign — it's linked with depression, for example — occasional boredom is actually useful. I learned this by speaking with Wijnand Van Tilburg, a psychologist who began studying boredom because he wanted to know if it has a function, and now believes that it's a signal alerting us to a lack of meaning.

Because boredom feels so irritating, explained Tilburg, "the emotional experience of boredom is impossible to ignore, and in this way it indirectly helps people engage.

Easily bored people, on the other hand, are typically thrill-seekers, risk-takers.

boredom in a relationship is it normal

Or do they just allay the pain of the separation you feel a little longer? Without any prudishness whatsoever but with an honest consideration to the fact of how much we all truly crave to be loved, the next question to then ask would be; what true part of being connected and in a close loving relationship with your partner would have you want to choose to be someone else with each other in bed?

Bothering to care enough to explore what got in the way of true intimacy may require a little more work and so-called effort initially, but in the longer term it sustains a feeling of fullness by virtue of learning more about yourself and each other in the process, and once you start on this track there is only more and more of it to want to discover.

boredom in a relationship is it normal

The lazy options of simply plugging the hole start to become less and less appealing as the wholeness of you emerges more and more. It is one of the most raw and sacred of moments to be connected, naked and physically intimate with your partner, and actually be you with them, sharing the love that you are with the love that they are. And whether we like to be aware of it or not, there is actually a responsibility that comes with being in a relationship that is to reflect what a true and loving union is.

So what happened for us to go so off track in how we are in relationships that it is now considered not only reasonable but actually published relationship advice to suggest that a way back to a healthy relationship is to pretend to be someone else with one another?

boredom in a relationship is it normal

To all levels of common sense does this actually make any sense? When common sense is these days not so common, the answer potentially is yes. There must be an already deep level of disconnection that has been accepted as normal within each other and within the relationship for this to be encouraged and heralded as the salvation for boredom.

The energy behind the desperateness in itself is already a red alert to the insecurity laying beneath the surface, that later allows the compromise of accepting whatever stimulation or excitement is on offer in an apparent bid to keep the relationship alive.

  • 8 tips for when you’re bored in your relationship but don’t want to break up