The link between stepkids and divorce — and how you can beat the odds - porkostournaments.info
"Early in remarriage, the most successful stepparent-stepchild relationships are Biological parents must pass power to stepparents shortly after remarriage so. Stepfamilies come with their own unique challenges and being a stepparent isn't easy. There are no illusions the second time around in relation to the marriage, . Let your stepchild know that you aren't trying to replace his or her biological. But the considerable challenges of blending pull most of these families apart. Debra Orbuch Resist the urge to rush into a relationship with your stepchildren. Create Let the biological parent take the lead with discipline.
When the children are the birth children of your spouse, it is often easier to believe that you both have the same goal in mind.
When the other parent is a step parent, however, that is often not so easy. It is too easy to let the parenting disagreements bleed over into the fabric of the marital relationship.
The Relationship Difference | An Evidence Based Approach to Stepfamilies
When someone that you care about criticizes your child or your success as a parent, good feelings erode and, over time, can erode good feelings about each other and about the marriage. Nurturing a marriage is hard as well when there are children.
Life is just busier and time together is often hard to get. When some of those children are not your own and may actually resent you being a part of their family, it is hard to find quality time as a couple. It requires a lot of maturity, patience, self-confidence and grit to get through the feeling of exclusion, let go of hurt and resentment and keep the positive thinking and behaving alive.
Here are some tips for couples with step children to use to protect their marriage. Set a positive tone. Look for what is good and acknowledge it.
Step parenting advice on boundaries
Make a concerted effort to build a positive relationship with your spouse's ex so that your interactions and input can be well received. Find out what your parenting style is.
Getting involved in arguments between your stepchild and your spouse. This will surely cause some tension in your marriage. Be your partner's support system, Korf suggests, giving him feedback only if and when he asks for it. If he doesn't come to you for help, then assume he's got it covered. Ignoring or countering the wishes of the ex. If your stepchild's mom has forbidden dyeing her hair, midriff-baring shirts, or dating before she's 16, it's not your place to override her wishes.
Your new spouse may no longer be married to the ex, but the ex still gets a say in parenting their children. The more helpful and understanding you are, the easier it will be for the entire family," Randel says. If you have serious concerns about the stepchild's health, wellness, or safety because of the ex-spouse's rules, talk with your spouse about it. If you just don't like the rules the ex-spouse has made for the child, step back and realize you don't get to control everything. Shop for great parenting reads at the Parents shop.
- The Relationship Difference
- 8 Boundaries Stepparents Shouldn't Cross
- The link between stepkids and divorce — and how you can beat the odds
As tempting as this may be, talking poorly about the ex-spouse is always no-no--even if the stepkids are doing it. Children can be damaged by exposure to ongoing conflict and repeated negative messages that put them in the middle of conflict. In a blended family, everything from holidays to bedtime and daily routines may vary between the two family homes. Another obstacle blended families face is favoritism or loyalty conflicts; this can be stressful for everyone.
Parents may find themselves wedged between filling the needs of their new partner, their children, or even their ex! More often than not, the biological parent feels caught between their spouse and one or more of the children regarding rules, discipline and fairness. Even if all parents agree that a step-parent has the authority to discipline their stepchildren, the children may not agree, causing them to resist, act out, or get depressed.
Just as with biological families, if the kids sense any tension between the parents, especially regarding discipline or rules, they will exploit the opportunity in order to gain power over the other children or step-parent.
How to Protect Your Marriage in a Step Family
Defer to the Bio-Parent Surprised? Even though this might go against everything you expected, the step-relationship needs time to develop. Maintaining your presence and at the same time supporting the bio-parent is difficult, but will be productive.