Insecurity in a relationship and anxiety

Coping with Relationship Anxiety | CFHP

insecurity in a relationship and anxiety

If you're feeling anxious and insecure in a relationship, then you need to watch this video. A lot of men feel nervous and anxious when they're. A woman who struggles with anxiety writes about how it makes her feel insecure in her romantic relationship. Signs Your Relationship Anxiety Has Reached an Unhealthy Level controlling behavior," and "much insecurity and distress on the part of.

Personal DevelopmentRelationships Being in a relationship can make us feel vulnerable and emotionally exposed. Review potential causes Relationships have peaks and troughs.

In a troubled relationship, arguments could flare up and stay unresolved.

How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive

You might be dealing with specific problems such as money, jealousy, doubt, and fear of abandonment. If potential causes such as these exist and compound your anxiety, you might want to seek professional help to navigate your way out of it. Avoid jumping to conclusions Admit the problem could be entirely imaginary and due to your own overthinking.

Be realistic about what you can sense and read in your partner. If you have doubts, be proactive and communicate with your partner. Recognise your partner is a different person, with different motivations and attributes.

Affirm the positives We can sometimes focus too much on the negatives and forget the qualities we love in our partners.

insecurity in a relationship and anxiety

Instead of dwelling on negatives, take regular time-outs to celebrate the good things in your relationship. Below you can see how clear my relationship reinforces this. So why was I so obsessed with her? Why couldn't I move on, even though I know I should? Because my beliefs about myself reinforced my insecurity.

We often blame ourselves for the lack of responsiveness from those we love. It reinforces our feelings of unworthiness. Any negative feelings we have about the relationship are turned inward. We put our partners on a pedestal and we make extreme compromises to keep the relationship. This is why we quickly become relationship chameleons or use sex to validate our worth. At the heart of it, we don't believe we are good enough to be loved, so we adapt rather quickly.

In my relationship above, I quickly adopted my girlfriend's vegan lifestyle habits. Anxious lovers often use their adaptability to pick up new hobbies, values, or passions that bring them closer to our partners, even if they don't care about it.

I'm not vegan now. I only did it because she cared about it and I thought it was a way to bring me closer to her. I was unaware of that at the time, though. Eventually we lose ourself in the relationship. Our partners stop finding us attractive. We are no longer the person they fell in love with. We are a copycat version of them. So how can keep our sense of self? How can we stop hiding our true feelings in fear of rejection?

After all, it is our fear of rejection that causes us to tolerate behavior that makes us feel insecure in the first place. There are two separate roads that lead to gaining security in our relationships. The first route is to find a healthy lover.

Someone who offers reassurance when we feel insecure. Someone who isn't afraid of intimacy and will get as close as we want. He keeps needing it! It'll never stop and it's exhausting. Once we get the security that our partner is invested into our relationship and cares about our well-being, we actually turn our attention outside the relationship. We go on to start businesses.

We take on new hobbies. This called the dependency paradox of relationships.

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Over time our beliefs slowly change, and we stop worrying because we get the reassurance we truly need on a consistent and reliable basis. We stop fearing that our partner finds us overbearing.

We stop behaving in ways that avoid conflict to get reassurance. Anxious lovers often avoid conflict or compromise to gain reassurance that their partner will stay with them, even at the cost of things they deeply care about. The problem is we find those secure individuals to be repulsive. They make us feel calm because they are direct, vulnerable, and honest about what they feel. This doesn't match our beliefs.

Abraham Hicks - Relationships - When you feel insecure - The power of meditation

Our life experiences have confused our insecurity, uncertainty, and anxiety in our prior relationships for passion. So when we are faced with someone who is comfortable with closeness and is direct about what they want, we push them away.

Instead, we fall for someone who is emotionally unavailable. Someone who makes us uncertain. Someone who pushes us away at the very moment we need closeness. Someone who implements a "no-contact" rule for a week or months. Someone who treats us like our needs don't matter. Reinforcing the belief that we are too much to be loved. So when we find ourselves in the middle of this road, still struggling to find that secure partner, we need to stop.

It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety. Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it. When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner. We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other.

For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. Can you really believe her? She probably prefers being away from you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive.

Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other. When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think.

insecurity in a relationship and anxiety

In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else. When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions. We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response.

Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire.

We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.

Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here.

insecurity in a relationship and anxiety

What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.