Cecil Speaks - Night Vale Transcripts • - A Door Ajar part 3
Carlos: So, like, another great role in the murder mystery dinner theater is . also just a couple of frowny faces to help you with your morning commute. Cecil: Yes, I remember, when I was a kid, our guidance counselor wore. The Best Gay Characters in the Media Are On 'Welcome to Night Vale'. Clint Nowicke November 12, Music. Share. Facebook · Twitter · Google + · Pinterest. "He grinned, and everything about him was perfect. And I fell in love instantly." -- Cecil, Episode 1: Pilot.
You know, maybe for just one moment, they just simply looked at each other with whatever faces, with whatever feelings and emotions, with whatever moment that is this moment, just their honest selves, for better or worse. And then they give each other a smile, and a thumbs up! Like, a big smile! With a lot of teeth! Like, an unnatural amount of teeth! And then they looked back at the stage, still smiling because these two, you two had done it!
These ex-strangers, these friends, these great, these true, these investigators. And soon, all of the citizens of Night Vale will disperse back to their homes, and their hovels, and their hideaways, and their witching caves. But for this one evening, we all came together. And what are human beings but a coming together? What are we for, except to lean into those around us, to balance against those around us.
A— a— a delicate, but provocative sculpture. The Night Vale murder mystery diner theater is over, sure, but what happened within it will have always happened. We lived together this night! And we always will have. Look…harm can come from anywhere, or anyone. Whether it is a stranger, or a friend, or one of those traffic intersections that has poisonous snakes instead of traffic lights…but still, we reach out the hand.
Still, we allow our eyes to meet. Still, we hope for the best, and we try to be the best in return because if not, then what else? Stay tuned next for tomorrow. By any means necessary. Goodnight to all of you listeners here. And goodnight, Night Vale.
All credit for wonderfulness goes to them, any blame for mistakes goes to me. The buck stops here, as they say. Michelle Nguyen has dropped by the radio station, and she says that she has a really big announcement. Anyway, for more on that, please welcome Michelle Nguyen!
Wait, am I on the radio? Now none of us have to travel to those big corporate witch-hop festivals like Coachella or Croneroo.
Cecil Gershwin Palmer
That sounds like fun, when is it? I rented out all of Mission Grove Park. I had been planning on being the only person at the festival because…you know how I feel about things that are popular.
So now I need everyone to head on down to Mission Grove Park to buy tickets. But if everyone could just bring wads of cash to Mission Grove Park, and give them to me please.
Tell your kids to bring cash too! Michelle, this sounds like kind of a dangerous day to be doing this. Sounds like you do though. I knew about The Murderer before anyone else.
I have all of their albums, even the five unreleased ones and the hundreds of unrecorded ones. No, I mean the dangerous criminal in our midst! Their take on pop punk rhymecore is so fresh! Wait, unless you like them. Michelle, there is a killer- Michelle: Like I get it, anyone can write an minute long experimental jazz song with a throat singing solo and get a radio hit. I gave up a long time ago. Wait, what are you talking about?
I mean, the Secret Police has ordered everyone to the Rec Center! It would be dangerous to go to a music festival today. Cecil, I think I might be broke. Even with the kind of serious money you make from a record store these days…why did I think I could afford to put on a huge music festival only for me? What if I lose the store? Dark Owl Records is everything to me.
I just put on a music festival that is so far out of the mainstream, no one will have seen it. Plus having money is so Well, you should probably stroll on down to the Rec Center before you get arrested for not being there.
Carlos the Scientist
Thank you so much, Michelle! Thanks for joining us, Earl! He hand-delivers each dish to the diners. Explaining every single bite, as he touches their chins…gently with his rough thumbs…and his soft…moist palms…lifting their mandibles up and down…to help them through the first stage…of the human digestive process.
He also matches his heartbeat with theirs. That sounds very posh! Have you ever listened to a heartbeat, Cecil? Po-pom, po-pom, po-pom-pom-pom-pom-po…Pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom pom popopopopopom, pommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Chef Mason recently rediscovered the joy of quail meat, while on a spiritual retreat underneath his own bed. He was there for weeks, curled into a fetal position, alternating between screaming and crying, and clenching his eyes and teeth tightly, because he is really into meditation these days. During the retreat, he found several quail living in his box spring mattress.
And they were his only friends. They all kept each other company in the cold dark night. And later when Chef Mason got hungry, he ate them all. It was hard to lose such good friends. But they were so delicious, he wanted to share that flavor with Night Vale. So, will you be at the dinner, Earl? You can do this, Earl. And that I remembered his name, which I can do most days. Well, it is such a blessing to have a career that you love!
So, what can the diners expect at this rare culinary event? Well, we will start with quail salad with a fig and orange milk dressing. Followed by a large amount of quail eggs dropped from the ceiling.
Then pasta made entirely from beaks. Oh, It says — your press release says that dinner begins at 7: Now this is one of the coolest parts of the whole night. Well that sounds fun. There are so many things to hear…and to deal with. Um, thankfully my job is to talk and not to listen. Um, it is great to have you on the show, Earl. Bye bye Cecil, talk to you soon.
We are getting word that there may have been an eye witness to the murder. Which is one of the top three witnesses, behind foot witness and kidney witness. And we have the witness on the phone with us right now. It is John Peters you know, the farmer! Well tell us about it, what did you see? Oh, I did not know that! Really I feel like most people- Cecil: And I turned, and I saw…a great silver craft, disk-shaped with portholes at regular intervals!
Now wait a second— JP: Those hairs are so soft back there, you ever…you ever just think about the hairs on the back of your neck, Cecil? My name is Klangor.
We have arrived on your Earth from some place distant. Did you or did you not see a murder? These beings, they were of…astonishing structure. They took me into their craft, and they showed me times and places far and along from this here and ago. Did you know, Cecil, that the universe is not in fact a single ever-expanding four-dimensional sphere of life and matter?
A recursive function of its own body, repeated like identical cells formed in the shape of that which each cell physically expresses. Each iteration a repeated pattern, psychedelic and vast. Our universe is not made of matter, nor time nor space, Cecil. Our universe…is made of possibilities. So you saw…nothing useful or interesting at all? Then these beings placed me, childlike, back down upon my Earth, and their craft sprang up into the air, leaving a strange imaginary shape in my imaginary corn field.
I held my hand up in farewell…through the windows, I could see them hold up…whatever it was they had at the end of their limbs. They were of astonishing structure!
Cecil Speaks - Night Vale Transcripts • The Investigators
And then…they were gone. I do not believe I will ever be the same again. I should have known that you were a farmer, not a witness! This is why witnessing should be left to the professionals. Paid witnesses, who will witness whatever crime you want for a nominal fee. I- I just really wanted to tell that story. But please, next time only call if you have something interesting you want to tell us.
Goodbye, thank you Cecil! They seem difficult to use, right? Well, they are very difficult. But for those times in which you inevitably give in to the weakness of the human condition, we here at Night Vale Community Radio are pleased to present…Computer Tips!
With local computer expert and programmer, Melony Pennington! Welcome to my show, Melony! Welcome to your show! Oh, I mean hi, hello. Sorry, my mind was, you know, the expanse. I mean my mind was elsewhere. My mind was everywhere.
And how are you— Melony: Do you ever look at the stars? You know, the stars. Not each star, but some of the stars. I mean every single one of the stars at once. I mean the whole night sky added up. Do you ever look at the sum of the stars? The night sky, as an equation? Beauty as a math problem? Which it is — everything beautiful is math. Everything beautiful is a problem. What was your question? Umm, how are you doing? Now…Melony, you sound familiar. Do I sound familiar? You just said that, so I guess I do.
You must have met one of my programs…or not met, none of them are sentient. I guess there is no set dogma for social engagement. God, I wish I had a dog. Have you ever met a rock? Also, what was your name again? Have you ever programmed a computer that broadcasts on a radio station, specifically one that recites random numbers? Yes, that was one of my early programs. Also a few pudding recipes and a funny cryptology poem or two. Oh, the WZZZ program had no name, and absolutely no sentience.
Not every program is sentient. That WZZZ program only recites numbers and tones. Oh, just listen to me babbling on! Computers can make you angry. Anything can make you angry. Is your computer plugged in? Computer programs are a lot like humans. Did I say that thing about the stars already? A string of 19 zeros is the most secure password. You know, sometimes I like to add an exclamation point at the end. Oh, exclamation points are impossible to hack!
You are very secure. There are two main types of computers. The first are PCs, or personal computers. Personal computers know your name, and things about your life, and are casual and friendly. These are ambulant robotic quadrupeds used by the Secret Police to monitor our domestic behavior and try to understand why people like to stroke robots and talk in high voices to them.
This has been so very helpful! Thank you for saying that! I love to be helpful! Sometimes I feel kind of useless and it gets me down. Well, I know that feeling. That is my favorite passage from the Old Testament! Oh, I feel better already. I have a really big surprise for you. Now we so rarely get this treat, as Louie long ago skipped town after he burned down his insurance — he burned down his music shop for the insurance money.
Welcome to our show, Louie! Um, where are you calling from? What exciting location are you hiding out in these days? Now what sort of musical lesson do you have for us today? Oh, well, today, I wanted to talk about the importance of warming up your vocal chords. Make a really sad face at the sky. You know, I do that exact same warm-up before every show.
I just pretend that everything in my life has been taken from me, it really helps get me in the mood. And thinking about that really loosens up my vocal chords, and also I start crying. Now, another really good vocal warm-up is the tongue twister. Oh, I know so many of those! Those are certainly classics. Cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut them! Cut cut carve carve carve faces over their faces, cut! That is a really good tongue twister! Catchy and fun and also kinda tricky.
I mean, do we still need to do a vocal warm-up? Sure, you know there are warm-ups that you can, that will work on any instrument.
Sounds like that warm up is really gonna get the blood flowing! There is so much blood, Cecil. Well, thank you for teaching us those warm-ups, Louie. Oh, I will return. I will return when you least expect it. How about we do the second Tuesday in November at 1 PM?
Thank you so much, Louie! So, with a murderer on the loose in our community, fingers are starting to be pointed. And most notably they are being pointed at Hiram McDaniels, a former mayoral candidate and literal five-headed dragon…who attempted to murder our mayor not too long ago.
So, in response, Hiram asked that he be allowed to speak on the air. And so, please welcome the five striking charismatic and criminal heads of Hiram McDaniels. We face quite serious charges with a maximum sentence of five life sentences, to be served concurrently, by five different heads. And everyone is mad and yelling a lot, and it makes me feel sad.
Blue, Green, Gray, all of you relax. Now, remember what we said. In First DateCecil and Carlos go on their first date. Cecil wears a tunic and furry pants. Due to the ban on wheat and wheat by-products, all that the restaurant can serve is mushrooms. Outside, the majority of Night Vale has become buzzing shadow entities.
Once Cecil reaches Carlos' lab, Carlos says that he must do more tests to try and save the towns people from the shadow entities. Carlos rejects Cecil's offer to help, but then kisses him and leaves into his lab. Cecil goes back home happy and smiling. Cecil and Carlos often referred to each other as boyfriends throughout the series and have been showing various moments of affection and worry towards each other's safeties.
They also have kept a long-distance relationship when Carlos was stuck in the Desert Otherworld to the point of Cecil spending his vacation time in the Desert Otherworld. After Carlos' return to Night Vale, the two maintained a loving and healthy relationship. Cecil and Carlos have been living together in an apartment since the events of the first Live Show, Condos.
As of the podcast's th episode ToastCarlos and Cecil are officially married. Note Edit Relationship notes on character pages were getting too long and involving too much episode content.
As Cecil and Carlos' relationship is one of the show's main subplots, it should have its own section. Please post updates on their relationship here. Carlos has many names for Cecil, including Cece, my sweet Cecil, honey-voiced honey,  darling, caramel-voiced Cecil, etc.
- Cecil and Carlos' Relationship (subplot)
It was revealed that Cecil is still harboring some trauma over the ownership of lot 37, and Carlos regularly offers words of comfort and empathy.
Carlos reached him from the otherworld through phone, and it seemed Cecil was quite worried.